Meng the pyro IRL

posted in: blog | 0

So today was spent in a park (but not before a yummy Subway Meatball Marinara)

After walking around (since it was our first time in that park) we sat down. It was at this point i realised Frances had a lighter in her bag…

Long story short:

2 Oasis Bottles + some Paper + some twigs + Fire =

Ah. if only i had a flamethrower and flare gun IRL…

(Expected Outcome)

Also on the way home , i got off the bus and saw this:

Finally , theres this which i found on youtube.

Alone in the Dark PC

posted in: Games | 0

And for anyone who bought the game , thats where it’ll stay. Alone. Buried deep in a ditch somewhere.
The PC version anyway.

where do i start.

The monsters are kind of like those found in Condemned , only these ones are 10x more stupid , and 5x less aggresive. They lumber up to you without attacking , and then randomly sometimes they’ll jump forwards to attack you.

The graphics are pretty good , although the game seems verymuch unoptimized. I can’t run it at maximum settings without getting massive frame dips.

You can’t skip cutscenes.

Now here comes the meat of this minireview thing.

THE CONTROLS SUCK ASS.
This is the biggest understatement of the year.

There is nothing intuitive about the control system in this game , you thought Final Fantasy XI was bad? Yeah. You’re right. That was probably fucking worse.
Actually , come to think. This one is probably worse considering that its an action game wheras the majority of the controls in FFXI were just walking around and the occasional battle.

The problems started early in the game for me.
A segment which introduced fire to me.
Picking up the fire extinguisher was the easy part , however ‘Spraying’ the fire extinguisher took me about an hour to figure out – And only happened much later on in the game. The tutorial box thingy says BUTTON0 TO SPRAY THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
I hit left mouse button. My character swings the fire extinguisher round in a clockwise motion.
This goes on for about FIVE MINUTES. By which time the fire that was raging through the room has already died out on its own out of pity for me playing the game.
After walking through the fire and flames (LOL IM CROSS COME JOIN ME ON THE CIRKUT GUYS) i get to the next room where a man is begging me to break the door down.
BUTTON0 TO BREAK THE DOOR DOWN.
To which i think to myself ‘you just told me the same button was to extinguish flames. Fucking game.’
I figure i can actually accomplish the door breaking down though , so i position myself in front of the door (harder than it sounds) and press left mouse button – expecting the character to swing the extinguisher forwards like a battering ram , like it said it would before.
Instead im presented with the same retarded clockwise spin attack from before. The HAV0K PHYSX kick in and my extinguisher bounces off the wall like a metal cylinder bouncing off a brick wall (havok physics is pretty amazing).
Right i thought to myself , the extinguisher hit the left part of the wall , so if i position myself to the right of the door , ill be fine!
I reposition.
I click left mouse button.

MOTHERFUCKER SWINGS ANTICLOCKWISE FROM RIGHT TO LEFT.
I alt F4.

Scenes like the one above happen approximately every 2 minutes in game , i was recently greeted by a parked car which i was supposed to break into.
SMASH THE WINDOW TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE CAR
Attacking has practically no effect other than denting the side of the car and not the windows. I ended up having to use my pistol to get in.
Once inside and mashing E , the dude starts trying to hotwire the car.
Zombies are dashing towards you , You see the wires in front of you.
No help , no nothing.
The only information you’re presented with is MOVE MOUSE TO MOVE WIRES and RIGHT CLICK TO SWITCH WIRES.
What the fuck am i supposed to do here? ive never hotwired a car before.

Oh , and then theres a nice driving sequence. And you KNOW that was fun.

Another issue i have with this game is the healing system. You need healing spray to.. uh.. heal.
Without which , you run around and die in 1 hit until you can find the healing spray – which you never do. As such you just end up plain stuck.

The game does do a few things well , the inventory combining system is very cool , celotaping glowsticks to enemies/ceilings and throwing around explosive sprays and bottles of petrol and whatever.

Endword – Everything the game does right is completely destroyed by the games horrible control system , and random gameplay bugs and flaws.
I didn’t spend any money obtaining this game , and tbh – i feel ripped off. (i think i had more fun playing mall tycoon 3)
It might be worth playing on 360 , but dont even think about installing it on PC.

(did i mention the 360 controller does not work with the game?)

Super Mario World Ad

posted in: MAC TRUCK | 0

Also. im pretty sure all the ‘regulars’ have already seen this through whatever (IRC / youtube friends etc)

but here it is for everyone else (godknows how many people view this blog)

You are blind : The game of the movie of the game

posted in: blog, Games | 0

Jeez. what a boring day.

Went out to romford to buy stuff for uni.

Ended up buying a pot , a wok , bowl and 2 plates , a bunch of cutlery , a basket for toiletries and probably some other shit too that i cant remember.

Had a Chicken legend from McD’s , salsa version.
Was pretty nice , 10x better than the shitty dark knight burger i had the other day.
oh , we also tried the spring roll things they’re doing. Avoid. They dont taste too bad , but they arent crunchy/crispy at all like spring rolls are supposed to be. instead they are all soggy/floppy like some of the mcdonald chips.

Nothing particuarly major happened after this.
Went home , played some TF2 , watched some Bleach , read some Fairy Tail , found out my CnC3 was corrupted :(

I thought id try playing Doom 3 , since i never even came close to completing it.
Shit is DARK. and CREEPY.
Like wow. even in Quake 4 you could have a flashlight on the end of your assault rifle, but needing to bring out the flashlight on its own? really?
Especially when the game is pitch black 95% of the time

what the fuck is this shit

Seriously? The game then becomes See where the enemies are VS being able to shoot the enemies
Unless you’re a big fan of melee’ing demon fireball motherfuckers with your torch.

I think that more or less sums up my day.
Oh. i cracked open the box of haribo too. Fizzy Cherries are beast.

Hastings and Brown Steins.

posted in: blog | 0

So yesterday i went to Hastings to visit family and such , although before we went there , we went to Costcos

Costco’s is great , or at least ,its the only place i know of that sells 2kg boxes of Haribo tangfastics. (for like £5 a box.)
Yum.

I also went to burger king , and tried the ‘dark double whopper’ thing that they have going on , to promote the batman film. Im not just saying this as another way of saying ‘BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT IS OVERRATED’. The dark double whopper genuinely sucks ass. It has no flavour , and isnt even as peppery as advertised. Its just a big burger which is almost like a double whopper , but without the taste. Avoid.
its also like £5 for a dark double whopper meal , of which i could have bought another box of haribo.

The rest of the day was spent walking around hastings and such. Turns out they have a COSMO restaurant there on the seafront.

I also had a mint choc icecream , played some time crisis 4 , and bought a kite.

On an unrelated note , heres a 2 pictures taken on the 23rd.

First is a squirly trying to climb up my leg.

Second is…

Personally , i dont think id buy anything from a shop called Brown-Steins.
Which is probably why its closed down.

(also , the shop next to it is called ‘Lots of Rice’)

Hellboy II

posted in: films | 1

Mediocre at best , although in all honesty i dont really know why i disliked it so much.

Fight scenes seemed really slow and clunky , which i suppose is to be expected given hellboy’s physique. It was almost like watching the incredible hulk fighting the incredible hulk with the final battle being the incredible hulk vs that bloke from ninja gaiden.

The story was , well. pure shit imho.

Too many talking scenes and such.

Whoever wrote the script was clearly trying too hard to make hellboy seem like a huge ass , which in turn makes him look like someone pretending to be a huge ass.

She’s preggers. With hellboys child. Creepy.

THE PICTURE ABOVE IS A SPOILER.

also. twins.

(double spoil’d)

I wonder what a hellcock even looks like.
ps. He’s horny. LOL GEDDIT COZ HE HAS HORNS!

Moving swiftly on.

Seriously. Way to be abso-fuckin-useless for 2 hours.

=D

posted in: Anime | 0

Oh wow. are you for real?

Most amazing page of a manga ever

Always read the fine print.

posted in: blog | 0

Installed the BUFFALO client manager hoping it would stabilize my internet connection a little.

the page just before it installed was the prime example of ‘small print’

Touhou Project 11 – Subterranean Animism

posted in: Games | 0

So it seems every time they release a Touhou game , they aim to make it harder and more crazy looking than the last.
It seems they succeeded , again.

Touhou 11’s EASY mode is about the equivalent of somewhere between Touhou 10’s normal and hard modes.

THIS IS ON FUCKING EASY WHAT THE FUCK.

Spy?

posted in: blog | 0

I thought my pc was running a little slow lately , and my HDD moaning a little too much.
turns out…

that AVG was running in the background , doing a full scan of all 5 of my partitions.  =(

London Trip

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London is expeeeeeensive.

After buying a £7 travelcard to get there (thats like buying final fantasy XI and then buying enough lighter fluid to burn it with) we was greeted with massive crowds of angry busy pushy shovey londoners and expensive stuff.
We wanted to get a cinnabon thingy but that shit was £3.50 (probably enough to buy FFXI from ebay and then mail it to your worst enemy) so we went into the trocedero instead – which is a big arcade in London for those not in the know.

Few new machines in Troc , there was a dinosaur hunting machine which i believe was new , they had another Pump NX machine – which we got a free go on , there was a mother and her 5 year old trying to play it , the kid didnt have a fuck clue what was going on and the mother was just stamping randomly to the beat , which was kinda innovative i guess , Turns out Pump is haaaaaaaard.. 5 panels is just weird to get used to, i say it was hard , i was playing on hard mode by the 2nd song. – okay , back to games…
Oooh , on the bottom floor they had the new Sega Rally 3 machines , which were awfully nice looking , they had proper cars kinda like the outrun machines and a big HD display with the new Sega Rally on , i didnt play it , but it looked fun.
They also had the (new?) Silent hill Arcade cabinet , which was kinda look a booth sort of deal with drapey bits on the side , the gun is a pistol , which was pretty damn heavy like it was made of metal or something. The game from what i played is somewhat of a cross between silent hill 1 and 2, with you starting off in fog and then you go to a hospital , then it all goes demonic silent hill bullshit mode and you get some creepy nurse things running at you (the screen adopts a grainy brown filter look when you’re in demonic areas , which is kinda cool and creepy) then afterwards you run into pyramid head , i cant say what happens after because i didnt get that far. My only complaint about the game is that the shooting felt rather stiff , with you pulling the trigger and nothing happening on screen , and then you try to reload and it doesent etc etc – maybe poor maintainance?
All in all i only played Pump it up NX ,  silent hill and ‘Fighting Mania’ (FOTNS) games , which were fun.

Then we went to the new ‘Tokyotoys’ which has opened up in the new part of the trocedero. Its kinda funny looking at tiny figurines of anime characters which cost from £5 (2″ lucky star figurines) to £100 (1/6 scale fist of the north star thing with actual fabric clothes) . Also got to laugh at some guy buying a bleach cosplay outfit – he looked like a total ‘desperate to fit in’ type.

Went to Hamleys (toy store) to look around and stuff, got hit in the face with a giant inflatable toy thing :|
Also saw a giant metal powerball for £60. I kinda wanted to buy the big stunt kite for £8 but it would have been a massive hassle to take back home since it didnt really fit in a bag or anything.

Wandered around chinatown for a bit , then went to camden to stare at goth people and clothes.

Dinner at subway , £2.20 for a meatball marinara – fucking yes.
and then back home.

Odd , the day doesent seem that long when i write it like that.
(PS. yes i just summarized what happened outside of trocedero in like 3 lines. theres not THAT much intresting stuff outside , camden is pretty much just clothes upon clothes – and cyberdog which is like rave music clothes and everything is neon coloured and UV reactive)

PPS. not sure if i mentioned , but EVERYWHERE was crowded as shit today , it was also intermittant raining and heavy winds through the latter parts of the day , with the early parts of the day being annoying coz i was carrying a big coat around with me :<

Final Fantasy XI

posted in: Games | 0

So we finally got the chance to try playing Final Fantasy XI today.

Only cost £5

here are some screenshots of what happened

Below is a picture detailing the pros and cons of FFXI

Stuff that sucks :
– Turn based sort of combat
– Slow combat
– Looks like shit
– Controls which are so bad , it makes PSO seem amazing and intuitive (PSO wasnt actually that bad , im just struggling to think of a game that makes me want to murder someone over the control system other than FFXI)
– Cant change graphics settings ingame
– If you try to tab out in fullscreen , game disconnects
– Menus are retarded
– Everything is retarded :<
– The controls – seriously, someone fire that asshole. You’re worse than whoever invented the dreamcast controller AND  whoever designed the Xbox360 Dpad PUT TOGETHER. YOU’RE THAT BAD. I HOPE YOU READ THIS AND KILL YOURSELF. YOU DONT DESERVE TO EXIST.

Rock B&

posted in: Games | 1

So harmonix have done it again , rock band is pretty much ‘the shit’

Im not sure what it is exactly that they did to make it such a great game , but with some friends round it is rather fun.

The guitars are somewhat vanilla by now , everyone has played guitar hero by now , and the guitar in this game is virtually no different to that (although the guitar seems somewhat more painful to play , but maybe thats just because ive been playing guitar hero on my keyboard upside down rather than using an actual plastic guitar. None the less, thumb ache pretty much guarantee’d)
The drums are pretty damn amazing , only 4 pads can make it somewhat easy at times but its still very cool , and the difficulty is generally made up for by the foot pedal (which is fucked up on harder modes)
The vocals is also amazing , if only because it encourages your friends to sing – which is generally rather entertaining. It also transforms into a tambourine when the lyrics are minimal.

Downside obviously , its that it costs a fucking bomb. I think the instruments together come to like £130 and thats not even including the game.

Free Yogurts

posted in: blog | 0

So there was a free yogurt give away thing in lakeside today.
I got 4 , because im a prick like that.

I dont actually know where all of the time went today , I played with a powerball at some point , that was fun , again.

Then we decided that everyone should stay over.
We went to dils house to steal his 360 and rock band.

and here i am typing this up.

To the e-guys : dont wait up on me to play FFXI , ill catch up for sure :< sorry that you have to put up with my shit but my life is getting a move on.

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