The Hole (2001)

posted in: films | 0

The night before going to thorpe park we watched ‘The Hole’ , which is supposedly a psychosomething or other thriller.
Note : I am NOT talking about this film:
The Hole (2003 film), a gay erotic film parody of The Ring (itself based on the 1998 Japanese horror mystery film Ring) ‘

Although tbfh, after watching the film , a gay erotic parody of The Ring would probably have been more entertaining.

The film tells of giant forehead girl’s (bottom left on DVD cover) love for ian watkins (aka Lost prophets lead singer) to the level where she hatches a plan to go down into an underground bunker with him for partying for a few days. They then get locked in and stuff happens.

Or so the film would have you believe , in reality , nothing happens. Twice.

Yeah. Twice. I just spoiled the film boohoo.

The film first tells what is essentially a bullshit version of the story where fivehead girl is all goodygoody and nice , gives backstorys and everything too. 50 minutes later, the film flips the script and is like ‘oh. btw this is what really went down’ and stuff.
Although even in the 2nd version of the story , nothing fucking happens. 1 of them dies to starvation (‘bawwww) , 1 of them tries to drink coke on the sly and gets murdered and lost prophets guy essentially kills himself when he finds out that fivehead girl is playing them all for fools.

So its pretty much just watching a really horrible film ,and then watching the same really horrible film but from different camera angles.
“Super scary. Brilliant”
Maybe the sun was watching the gay parody?

Do i do a film rating system on my blog? i cant even remember.
0 out of 16 mathew perry’s.

Saw: The Ride (Let the torture begin)

posted in: blog | 1

This sequence of pictures was taken in the far distance of the last picture can be seen in the next picture.
… if that makes sense.
eg. first picture you can just about make out the Saw sign in the background , 2nd picture you can see it clearly and then another queue in the distance…

This is where the queue started , time is relatively early , Around 11:30 – 11:45 ish

We’re almost at the MAIN RIDE QUEUE ENTRANCE. jesus christ.
Current queuing time , maybe 30 mins. (12 midday)

Chain fences , leading to barbed wire maze bit.
(single riders entering on the right there – thats the ACTUAL entrance. So close yet so very fucking far.)

Barbed wirezzz – Current queuing time , probably around 90 mins (now about 1pm) , after clearing the barbed wire maze we see…..

fucking christ. are you shitting me?
Current waiting time approx 2 hours (1:30pm)

Looks like theres a bit of queueing after the next bend.
We carry on following the fence left , looking right we now see…

At this point i actually dont give a shit anymore , i feel like i want to die.
Ive been woken up at 7:30 to pay £18 to wait in a queue for fucking ages. Utter bullshit.

(Not pictured) – Ride maintainance time! FUCKING YAY! +15 mins

After playing Queue Queue Revolution Xtreme with the wooden fences outside , we FINALLY go inside the warehouse building.


Current waiting time : probably between 3 – 4 hours.

we eventually got on the ride , which lasted around 1 minute maybe.
It was (thankfully) amazing , lots of big vertical drops and airtime coupled with torture filled scenery and props , which is appropriate because upon exiting the ride you feel like you want to kill yourself because you just spent somewhere in the region of 3 hours queuing for 1 minute of adrenaline. Remind me in future to take a page out of ‘Crank’ and just headbutt black people and steal cars if i want an adrenaline rush , im sure it’ll take a fraction of the time and be tenfold cheaper.

[[[ the rest of the day ]]]We left fairly early , around 8:30ish and got to thorpe park at around 10am.
There is a HUGE queue just to buy tickets for the front door , ive never experienced this before but its ridiculous. We wait in queue for somewhere in the region of 1 HOUR JUST TO GET INto the park. Immidiately queued for saw , being the tards we were. (see above) then went on samurai (1hr queue) , paid £5 for a fistful of ‘amoy straight to wok’ noodles drenched in tesco value sweet and sour sauce with chicken, chef clearly cut all of his vegetables using a guilotine because the onion slices were about 1/5 of a full onion each , ditto for peppers.
We then went on detonator (45 min queue) and then went home because the park was closing. Yeah. we went on 3 rides. the whole day. 3.