So in a futile attempt to try and breathe some life back into this blog, as well as occupy myself for a bit, today I will be looking at a game called ‘Guise of the Wolf’, which has a metacritic user score of 0.7. Now granted most of this hate will likely be because the creators issued takedown notices to youtube videos which talk badly about the game, including someone called totalbiscuit who is apparently a big deal.
I care not for such drama, however upon playing the game, it quickly becomes clear why they were trying to censor game coverage because holy shit, this game is on an entire other level of bad.
It’s hard to properly structure a review around a game which is so universally bad at everything, that I thought I would just take the easy way out and detail everything wrong with the game.
1. Barren level design
2. Textures which only slightly more detailed than that found in minecraft
3. Input Lag
4. Lack of video options, or options in general. Game forcibly runs at 1280×768 with black bar letterboxing to give it that movie feel (lol.)
5. Everytime you find something, a jingle plays which sounds so hilariously out of place compared to everything else in the game
6. A Map screen which was probably made in MS Paint
7. Lack of direction combined with shit level design, the game doesn’t really tell you what to do or where to do it, you have to just stumble around and click everything until something happens.
8. Unskippable dialogue
9 Combined with these character models and flappy mouth when talking, which looks like something out of a badly dubbed chinese film.
10. This guy, whose mouth is as wide as from the centre of each eye, it somehow stretches horizontally when he talks, because that’s how mouths work.
11. Doors which seem to require a certain point to be clicked to open, yet sometimes the point changes.
12. This guy’s missing cheeks, and visible nose polygon.
13. This guy that encourages you to burgle the castle he is supposed to be guarding
14. Them textures tho.
15. These incredibly tedious lock puzzles which are about as fun as dipping your face into acid.
Aaaaaand thats about all I could stomach. Eventually I hit a dead end, in a castle full of locked doors and no idea of what im supposed to be trying to do or where im supposed to be trying to do it, the shitty map at my side which offered little guidance in terms of direction or even where I was.
After closing down the game and having a look, apparently the game at points wants you to put an amulet on a random statue, and pickpocket a key even though it never mentions you can actually pickpocket.
This game is just a mess. I’m not saying work didn’t go into it, because clearly it did, but when you try to charge £10 for a piece of work which is as bad as this, it’s kind of inevitable that you’re going to get some awful reviews.
A first person adventure game without the adventure, if you enjoy wandering around a shitty looking environment looking for god knows what then maybe you’ll find this interesting, then again, maybe you need to have your head checked too.
Guise of the Wolf is every bit as bad as people say it is, stay well away.
Approximate Game Length : As long as you can tolerate it
Actual Worth / Steam Price: £0 / £10 = 0.0
Should you play it : God no. I paid nothing for the game and still feel ripped off.