‘The Purge’ is the worst film I have seen in years.

posted in: films, rant | 0

So after watching the latest Rick and Morty episode, we got curious and ended up watching The Purge, which turned out to be absolutely awful.

I can’t remember the last time a film made me so angry, there is literally no likeable character in the entire film.

Spoilers ahead but you shouldn’t watch this film anyway so i’m basically protecting you.

The son: Lets a stranger into their locked down home on purge night, the night where everyone runs around trying to murder everyone else, when a large armed mob approaches their home and demands to have the stranger, he complains and basically refuses to let them have him – putting his entire family at risk of being brutally murdered.

The daughter: her boyfriend sneaks into the house and attempts to murder her dad – who shoots him in the stomach, she obviously still loves him very much despite this, and stays by his side til the end. After this, she doesn’t bother to question why the power has been cut to their house, and takes the boyfriends gun and wanders around the house without a light, where she is promptly captured by the stranger and held hostage.

The mother: Sides with the son and doesn’t want to give the stranger up to the mob outside, turns on the husband and basically calls him a monster despite the fact the dad is the only sane one in the house who is thinking rationally, and is only trying to protect his family. She also doesn’t feel it’s appropriate to parent her children properly, and lets them run around the house unattended despite the fact that all sorts of bad shit is going down.

The father: holy shit learn to be a parent, both of your kids are little shits and you are taking orders from them? Protect the random guy and endanger everyone’s lives? Seems like a good idea to me! Better idea still! Lets essentially join them, and become a mass murderer for the sake of keeping your autistic son happy!

 

The end? they murder all of the people trying to get into the house, and the dad dies.

Good fucking job son, your inability to think rationally has gotten your father murdered, but hey at least the random black guy that was on the street is saved! Your huge house is not only completely vandalized and covered in blood, but is also going to be repossessed because your mum is now a single parent because of your dumb ass.

Fuck this film. I was hoping the entire family would get purged but nope, because that would be too much of a happy ending.

The Tinder Chronicles Vol.1

posted in: blog | 0

It’s easy to laugh at people that are on Tinder, most people don’t take it seriously, and just use it for booty calls or to troll people but to my surprise, there’s definitely a subset of people that do take it seriously and genuinely want to meet new people.

I guess im a convert, having seen the light, I met more girls in the last year alone than the past 5 years combined thanks to Tinder. It’s easy enough to use as well assuming you aren’t bothered with instant results – I only really used to do the whole swiping thing while I was on the toilet.

(Yes, i’ve got nothing to blog lately)

Here’s a selection of some of the more interesting matches

Steph

The first girl I had proper conversations with, a British born Chinese working at a big finance company in central London, she also ran a food blog where she takes lots of pictures of really fuckin’ expensive looking food – Personally anything over £20 is expensive in my eyes but her blog suggests up to £40 per person is an average amount sooo…

Anyway, she didn’t really seem that into me, it was always me sending the messages and her just replying, eventually after like months of on and off texting we finally end up going out to an expensive steak place around covent garden, she wanted to choose of course.

I guess you could say it fell apart there, we had a nice meal and good chat, followed by a walk around to get dessert, however it never really felt like there was much chemistry – Food was literally the only thing she seemed to be in to, which you would think would be no issue for me, because I love me some food as well but… yeah… Turns out one shared interest isn’t really enough.

She was also nothing like how I expected her to look. In my head I sort of pictured an adorable small asian girl, but the reality was probably more the opposite, but of course once you’re that far you sort of have to commit to the rest of the date.

Dropped her off at the station, never saw her again, never texted her again, and the feeling was clearly mutual because she didn’t try to text me either.

Melissa 

It’s rare to find a girl that is properly into video games, so imagine my surprise when I match with a girl, ask what she’s up to and she replies with ‘playing Payday 2’ – like that’s not Animal crossing or some shit, payday is a game where you put a mask on and shoot people in the mouth. I was intrigued.

If im honest I didn’t actually think she looked that attractive in her pictures, looking a bit of a boyish face and a bad hair style. it probably should have told me straight away to just ‘leave it yeah’ but i persued anyway for whatever reason.

We had a lot in common, but never ended up actually going out, eventually one day she just told me that she needed time to focus on her art and that was pretty much the end of it.

Cordelia

Whom I guess is classified as current girlfriend, didn’t really have much expectations for this match if I’m being honest, kind of burned by just chatting for ages so thought i’d just invite her out after 3 days of texting, for comparison . Didn’t actually know much about her at all other than that she had been to Japan recently, similarly I had more or less only just gotten back from Korea myself.

Went out for lobster, which turned out to be a hilariously bad idea as she didn’t know how to eat lobster, then she suggested we go to a pub afterwards, which is obviously fantastic for me because i’m asian and can handle my alcohol REALLY REALLY WELL. Unlike the other date with Steph we ended up sticking around and just chatting and walking until the sun had long gone down.

She ended up inviting me to hyper japan afterwards, and the next thing I know, we’re at 3 months.

 

What’s the opposite of getting swole anyway?

posted in: blog | 0

So uh, I quit the gym.

I lasted around 9 months, and I mean, I kind of expected it to go exactly the way it did.

Month 1 I was literally commited to going every other day, I had a training regime and everything, to the point where rest days and not overworking your muscles actually becomes relevant.
Fast forward a few months and the gym sessions started to become shorter and less frequent..
and then finally a few more months and i’m struggling to pick up the motivation to go once a week.

I’m not sure if it’s the lack of progress I made, or that I wasn’t working hard enough to see any progress or what, but it’s pretty demotivating going to a gym on the regular and just not seeing any changes – both in terms of muscle or stamina.

I can honestly say that almost a whole year of going and I barely feel any different, or look different. I’ve managed to lose approximately 160 pounds – yet my weight is exactly the same because I was talking about currency.

So uh, yeah. Guess i’m back to kettlebell, body weight exercises and just general dieting for all my weight loss needs.
if anyone is interested, i quite like this Darebee’s free visual workouts – http://darebee.com/workouts.html

Bonus Rant:

My gym was filled with so many awful types of people too:
– Indian people who would sweat and fucking STINK. like holy shit how do you smell so bad.
– Obese women (particularly blacks?) who wear really skin tight clothes and then have those horrific sweat lines around their butt and back
– People in general who wear sweaters / hoodies while working out. I’m so confused, why would you do this to yourself?
– huge hairy sweaty europeans who leave massive sweat patches on the weight machines, they stink too.
– Why does nobody put their free weights back? I already know the answer to this question, it’s because 90% of people that do heavy workouts in the free weights section are pure meatheads

For the record, if you take your big stupid Beats™ headphones to the gym with you, you are part of the problem.

Oh yeah, shoutouts to my favourite people whom ive never even talked to – the poser brothers, who literally stand around and take turns doing exercises before pulling up their vest and staring at their chest/abs while posing. It is genuinely one of the most entertaining things ive ever seen, just because I was struggling to process the fact that people like that actually exist, even the brofessor is a fictional satirical character but these guys were like the embodiment of it.

 

 

A rant about Metal Gear Solid V

posted in: Games, Games Review, rant | 0

So thanks to the wonders of internet companionship I’ve spent essentially the last week or so playing through the wondrous metal Gear solid 5, and thought I’d do a little rant about it.

The gameplay itself is so very solid (ahem),  going into outposts and abducting entire squads of guards and any vehicles they have is a incredibly addictive, and the core sneaking stuff is really good as well, however the game starts to rapidly fall apart once you have completed the main story and become left with just the side missions.

Speaking of the story,  the game barely even feels like a metal Gear solid game,  the core story is light at best and a complete joke once you hit the end of chapter one.  It is probably the only game to pleasantly delight and then brutally disappoint me with its game length, in the space of only a few hours.

mgsvtpp 2015-09-05 20-47-23-90

For those who haven’t played it, after maybe 30 hours/missions of gameplay and a major boss fight, the game rolls its credits, practically nothing in the story has been explained and you are left feeling confused and upset…  But then you get a ‘trailer’  for chapter 2! And the game swiftly transitions into chapter 2! Fantastic! And then in an almost taunting fashion the game takes that joy away over the next few hours. Where the previous 30 missions were interesting and somewhat advance the plot, the next 20 missions consist of 14 hard mode missions you have already played,  and 6 proper story missions, of which manage to introduce more questions rather than answers – and then the game ends.

Apparently people have dug into game files and found art for chapter 3, suggesting that the game was due a significant amount more content, and behind the scenes footage which show an episode 51 would have at least provided some closure to one of the games many plotlines.

mgsvtpp 2015-09-02 19-09-11-76

Playing the postgame content becomes almost upsetting afterwards, a selection of maybe 6 different objectives which all play out more or less the same way, sneak in, neutralise everyone and then escape with prisoner /Intel.

The open world offers nothing but a collection of barren land and a collection of outposts and structures you have been to during the story.

I also have grown to despise the mother base expansion system, with the game requiring you to have X amount of materials before you can upgrade to increase your population cap, these materials are only generated while you play, and you will only recieve a relative trickle compared to how much is required for the later upgrades.

There is almost no doubt that the latter is formulated in such a way to make way for their shitty microtransaction crap, the same stuff they claim is not required –  a new base requires 1000+ mb coins, yet you will recieve maybe 20 or so per day for a login (this tiny amount of coin isn’t even guaranteed, as the login bonus is often a bunch of plants or irrelevant material).

The game has a dispaych system which lets you send out your recruited soldiers to do stuff for reward, but the majority of them run on ingame time, there is another selection of missions which run on real time but these take 1-2 whole days to complete, and will contribute towards your teams limit (which is, again, linked to bases you can only really build with real money). The ridiculous amount of time it takes for these real time missions to complete is so ridiculous that is you are playing the game even vaguely regularly its more efficient just to pick the ingame time missions, so why even put the real time ones in the game?  =/

The FOB / PVP stuff seems pretty silly as well, you can invade each others bases and steal their resources and men, fair enough, a tried and tested formula which worked well in Dark Souls… except the part where you get invaded while you’re offline and there isn’t much you can do to stop it because the AI guards are useless as fuck. Seriously mindblowing, I log in every day to see that my resources and men have been stolen and theres fuck all I can do about it. 10/10 PVP.

mgsvtpp 2015-09-04 09-59-05-06

Spoilers below this point :

Did i mention how unfinished the story is yet? What happens to psycho mantis and the man on fire, what happens to huey? What about quiet who carrying the English strain of the virus (you know, the virus that the whole game is basically based on).

I also really REALLY hate that quiet leaves and essentially locks you out of using her for the postgame, you can supposedly hack her back in on PC but god it’s so ridiculous that you even have to consider it.

Spoilers end here

MGS5 is one of the best games this year, even in it’s half finished state with it’s bad design choices – however the fact that this is the last game in the series by Kojima makes me sad that it just wasn’t as good as it could have been. Small tweaks here and there could have easily taken this game to legendary status, but instead we are left with a collection of ‘extract X’ missions tied together by the weakest metal gear storyline in the series.

This has been an awful rant typed up on my phone while waiting for a package to be delivered at work, it’s probably painful to read, you have my sympathies.

mgsvtpp 2015-09-11 19-18-23-46

The woman in black

posted in: blog | 0

Was invited to go and watch the Woman In Black, a west end theatre show (which has apparently been running since 1989).

The advertisements and reviews all cite it as being terrifying, something which I just couldn’t really fathom – how could a theatrical performance be truly scary? I was pretty skeptical, but the tickets were around half price so I was coaxed into going, despite not really being all that interested.

The show was playing at london’s Fortune theatre, we actually bought the cheaper tickets and were due to sit up in the upper circle, however upon going to collect our tickets we found we had been upgraded to the stalls, and 4 rows from the front too! The fortune theatre, as it turns out, is absolutely tiny, with only 11 rows of seating in the stalls, and the entire width of seats probably significantly smaller than your local cinema. I was initially worried because I had forgotten to bring my glasses, my experience with the book of mormon had me thinking that i’d barely be able to see anything, but our upgraded seats were fantastic, and the place was so intimate anyway that even at the back I would have been fine.

The show itself was a bizarre story of two men performing a play of a memory, resulting in a somewhat odd 4th-wall-breaking-but-not-really kind of show. What was particularly neat was that almost the entire show was just done by these two men, with one acting as protagonist and the other acting as every other character and narrator as well.

It was a pretty barebones show, I’ve not been to the theatre for anything other than musicals, but this was a pretty true to it’s name drama play – and possibly too layered for me to really appreciate. I found it a little on the dull side, and the scares were pretty much all jump scares caused by loud noises in the dark, credit where it’s due however, the acting and performance were fantastic.

I think i’ll stick to musicals in future, but for £15 it was a pretty good experience, especially if you consider just the other week I spent around £11.50 on a normal cinema ticket.