So today we decided to go skating. Me , hawk and Dave took our gear , and headed into the sun.
And then we had a fun day of relaxing in the sun , staring at the sky through leaves , skating around , climbing trees (or i did anyway) and other relaxing summer stuff.
Content with our day out , we headed to tesco, for a very late lunch/early dinner.
At Tescos we all semi wondered around wandering what to buy for dinner.
At first i thought of buying some ham and then crusty rolls.
We found dave staring at baby octopus in a jar , he challenged us to a battle of manhood. We declined.
Eventually we bought BBQ Chicken and the crusty rolls , with a 2L bottle of ‘juice’ (term ‘juice’ is used lightly , it was probably closer to liquid sugar. oh well.)
We headed back into tescos after eating our chicken for some desert.
8 ‘Fab’ Ice lollys for a pound. Sorted.
However we then ventured into the wrong aisle or something. Dave held a pack of tesco brand ‘After DInner Mints’ ….
The clouds darkened and thunder sounded in the distance.
It’ll be a laugh we thought , they’ll be so bad it’ll be funny.
We bought them.
Upon opening the box outside , we found they were very similar shaped to ‘After Eights’ , the product they were obviously aiming to rip off. – Obviously though they were not individually wrapped , nor were they any fucking good.
I’ll talk you through the experience , since you’ll likely never experience it in your own lifetime.
Stage 1 : You have just placed the ‘After Dinner Mint’ (hereby shortened to ADM – which sounds sorta like a diesease. Appropriate.) into your mouth. You can taste the cheap dark chocolate against your tongue. It’s sorta bitter , being dark chocolate and all , but its not that bad.
You bite into it.
Stage 2 : The mint sauce/juice/jizz/liquid/stuff oozes out of the ADM and onto your teeth and roof of your mouth. your teeth feel tingly. Then the mint sauce begins to flow around your mouth. It engulfs your tongue.
Stage 3 : The mint sauce transforms into a liquid apocalypse against your tongue. it is Strong. very Strong. You convince yourself it doesent taste so bad, however 10 seconds later the taste still lingers and you wish you had never put the ADM into your mouth.
Stage 4 : The cheap chocolate shows its true form , it is chewy and gives off more of its bitter flavour. It mingles with the mint nastiness still in your mouth because you was afraid to swallow it. You’ve entered a new level of worry that you may need to eat 17 Fab lolly’s to get rid of the taste.
Stage 5 : The mint sauce and melted chocolate and saliva have combined to form one large pool of liquid in the bottom of your mouth. You know you have to swallow it or you’ll drown in it. You swallow.
The Mint slowly travels down your throat. You imagine this is how Keanu Reaves felt in the matrix in that bit where the mirror goes down his throat.
Stage 6?: By this point you have either spat the ADM out or swallowed it all. The worst of the taste has gone , however there is still a strong lingering of mint and bitter dark chocolate.
You should NOT try to wash it down with cheap tesco fruit juice. This is similar to trying to put out a fire with tesco fruit juice – that is , it’ll work , but you’ll need to use a lot and the fruit juice wont taste anywhere near as nice after you’ve extinguished fire with it. [i have no idea what im talking about]
We had 8 Fab ice lollys , after eating the first ADM we had 2 each (there were 3 of us.).
We had 2 Fab’s left. How do we decide who gets them?
We look back at the pack of ADM’s. There are 13 left. We divide them into 3 piles.
“whoever spits it out first loses. – you have to chew twice.”
Meng : 1
Hawk : 1
Dave : 0
Kudos if you read this entire blog post. It’s probably one of my longer ones. (about 10 words less than my NiGHTS review which holds current record.)