The chicken fiasco

So i went to tesco after coming back from hertfordshire university (before i got the bus back home) , the chicken section all of my beloved ‘2 chicken breasts for £2’ were sold out , the alternatives were ‘3 giant chicken breasts for £6’ , ‘shitty little bits of chicken we chopped up because we think you’re too stupid to do so and we’re going to charge you extra for it!’ and a whole chicken for £3.50 which weighed as much as the 3 giant chicken breasts for £6 pack.

I did what any self respecting stupid person would do and i bought the whole chicken.
Oh my.

Got it back home and thought i’ll just cut it up into bits and we’ll be fine , spend 10 mins cutting it and save yourself £2.50 , easy peasy.
Unwrapped it , took the rope off it…
It smells :/
Ran it under the tap for a while , filled its ass with water etc etc.
Mkay , time to cut it…

My kitchen cleaver refused to cut the chicken.
I got out the knife sharpener and ran it through a few times…
Kitchen cleaver still refuses to penetrate the chicken’s skin , im starting to think I accidently bought some sort of impenetrable super chicken.
I tried the other knife in the kitchen , success! a small rip!
Crammed my fingers in there and ripped it open (not what i normally do , honest)

Mkay , so the skins off….
What the fuck do i do now.

I start hacking away at it , legs and wings first…

[heres a chicken! incase you guys have never seen one before , also pictured are knife sharpener and dual knives.)


Man… this is… not easy.

Meanwhile , in another part of the kitchen…

Coming back at 10pm , i was kinda hungry.
I thought id make myself some cous cous.


Unfortunately for some reason , i read the packet , saw ‘add 160ml boiling water’ and thought ‘ill add 320ml boiling water!’
Had to throw it away.

Back to the chicken , I eventually got it down to just the bulk of it , figured id slice it open…


It was only at this point i realised….
I dont even know what the fuck is edible here.
I cut what i could and then ended up boiling up all the remains so that i could eat the annoying clingy bits of meat which i couldnt remove from the bones.

Moral of the story? Buy the chicken fillets.