Ibiza – Day 3 – Es Paradis

We all woke up pretty late after the heavy drinking we did the night before, which is good because little did i know at the time, but I was about to go on a 2 day insomnia streak…

We headed out to the usual place for breakfast, Rita’s 1 Euro brekkie round the corner, and then went for a dip in the hotel swimming pool – which, for a 1 star hotel, was pretty reasonable (we were expecting it to be filled with piss and needles)

Spent mid-day wandering about town, there are plenty of clothes and souvineer shops around the edge of the alcohol maze, alot of the shops which sell tickets to events also double as rave clothes shops. I did want to buy some dance-like clothes but nobody else seemed interested due to money issues, not wanting to make a fuss i just went with the flow. I did pick up a souvineer fridge magnet though, we have a family thing of buying magnets for the fridge/microwave everytime we go abroad so I thought I had better keep up the tradition.

Phil decided it would be ‘funny’ to buy a pack of cards with naked transexuals printed on them to show to his parents, I do not understand him (apparently at one point he found a stash of gay porn in a McDonalds car park and thought it would be funny to take it home and hide it under his bed, Why is this guy still a virgin? I dont understand…)
Duncan bought a snazzy ‘I <3 BEACH' bag, which is every bit as good as the english on the bag. The girls told us they were going to a Water Party at Es Paradis via text, we figured it would be a good opportunity to experience our first club night in Ibiza, we knew we had to go at least once, but the club nights there are so expensive – The most famous club in Ibiza, ‘Pacha’ costs 70 euros for entry, you also need transport to and from the club, and the drinks inside are apparently something like 18 euro for a JD and Coke, Other clubs werent as ridiculous but still had average entry prices of 30-50 euro. Water Party was 30 euro, but with entry for 2 for some reason (so 15 euro entry, still more than Im used to paying for a club, but seriously cheap for Ibiza) We found a nice restaurant on the beachfront selling cheap food, full english breakfast for 4 euro and the rest was decently priced too. Hung around for a while afterwards and just watched TV, checking out the top 20 dance tracks according to MTV-Ibiza We headed back to the hotel to do some casual drinking games on our balcony, I have never, Most Likely, and so on. Apparently Im the most likely to say ‘Ive got this’ the most times in a night, I beg to differ. From buying large packs of cheetos we managed to accumulate a small selection of temporary tattoos, and thought it would be a good idea to put them on….
Duncan : Tramp stamp
Luke : Stars below his ear
Ian : Tribal across his neck
Me : Eagle on my tit looking like its about to grab my nipple

We met the girls at the Egg, a sort of landmark in Sant Antoni which looks like a big egg with a ship through the middle.
They were completely fooled by the tattoos for a few minutes, until it got to me, at which point they sort of realized nobody is dumb enough to get that stuff done for real.

The girls wanted to get drunk, back to the alcohol maze then.
We ran into a street salesman trying to pull people in, he offers us 10 euro for 2 drinks, a pitcher between 2 and 3 shots, we ask him if its the london bar, he says no, and so somehow we got roped along into yet another night of heavy drinking. We get taken… just across the road from The London Bar, and get given Vodka and Lime shots or something, they are fucking abysmal and we want no part of it.
After drinking, playing more drinking games (I have never), and finding out that all 3 of the girls we have been hanging out with are completely mental in the bedroom (90 minute blowjobs, 69’s and anal by age 18? what the fuck.) , we stumble over to the coast and head to the club…

We entered Es Paradis, A large pyramid looking structure on the coast. Inside was a jungle of floating platforms with dancers atop, balconies, a huge bar running along one side with an aquarium behind it, a misty dance floor area and the thing we came for….
Tuesdays at Es Paradis is the water party, majority of the club had gathered in a colliseum pit area in the middle of the club, steps lead down to a dance floor in the middle and a mirrored platform is above where paid dancers do their thing. We were told that the night starts at 12, but the water doesnt usually come on until 4 or 5am, we entered at 4am, danced around in the colliseum abit, it was pretty fun as we were still drunk/tipsy from the drinks earlier, the lighting was well controlled and pulsed and strobed with the loud dance music…
At 5am, the lights blacked out, singing in the rain starts playing and fountains from all sides of the colliseum area start spraying water everywhere, the water ricochets off ceilings, people, hands, heads… Fucking everywhere. It is already the most insane thing I have ever seen at a club, the music thumps, the crowd starts to strip down as the water drenches clothing, then the water starts to rise…
Apparently they dont have any drains in this dance floor that they are spraying water onto. It rises slowly through the night, I point it out to my friend as it starts to get to above ankle level..
An hour goes on, the fountains are still going full whack, the water is now up to my hip, relaxing my arms whilst dancing results in my arm entering water – my wallet and everything in my pockets is completely soaked through, people are now splashing water from the floor similar to how people have water fights in a shallow swimming pool, people are still raving. A conga line forms where people kind of float-hop around the place as its now impossible to walk properly, dancing stops being so intricate and devlolves into jumping up and down as any other leg movements is far too difficult.

The night eventually ends, and we pour out onto the street, where luke and duncan decide its a good idea to run into the ocean because its cold outside (the sun has yet to come up, probably around 6:30am), against my better judgement I join them, the water is warm – im shocked.

We get back to the hotel at around 7am, and dont walk the girls home because we arent insane (sorry girls, you live way too fucking far and are way too not-single to walk home), wash up, throw our stuff onto the balcony to dry off and then me and duncan went out to find food as we’re fucking starving.

Most of the local shops are closed, a corner shop is open along with a cafe, we go for the cafe and try to order some croissants – the woman speaks no english at all, duncan tries his best but ultimately fails, the woman also doesnt understand that we want to know how expensive the croissants are, we eventually submit to hunger and just order them and prepare to be mugged in plain daylight, 2.50 euro, we lucked out.
Bought some more cheetos from the shop, and sat down on a street corner to eat, and that was probably the most satisfying meal I had in the whole of my stay in Ibiza, Croissant and Cheetos at 7am in the morning sitting on the floor on the side of the road.

I return to the hotel and cant sleep, and thus the 2 nights of insomnia began.