Meng’s Guide to Restaurant Customers

So whether I like it or not, i’ve been working as a waiter for about a year now, and the major categories of customers have become fairly clear.

Bare in mind that this obviously isn’t a 100% indication of anything.
Tip stuff is roughly
Small = <5%
Medium = ~5%
High = ~/>10%

Really Young white couple (<20y/o):
– Bill: Small
– Tip: Small
– Other notes: Girl is usually friendly, guy is socially awkward, probably due to age

Young white couple:
– Bill: Small – Big
– Tip: Medium
– Other notes: Friendly, easy to deal with

Heavily drinking white couple:
– Bill: 20% food, 80% cocktails
– Tip: None – Low
– Other Notes: Constantly orders cocktails, impressive tolerence for alcohol. Usually friendly enough but you can tell they are scum.

Young white family (with actual children):
– Bill: Medium
– Tip: Low-Medium (way less than it should be considering the mess they have made)
– Other Notes: Make a mess, children liable to be a complete fucking nuisance

White family (grown up children):
– Bill: Medium-High
– Tip: Medium-High
– Other Notes: Friendly, easy to deal with, father cracks bad jokes, daughter is still embarrassed of family despite being over 20 now.

Business people (dudes in suits):
– Bill: High
– Tip: Medium-High
– Other Notes: The older they are, the higher the bill and tip become. Spend the whole dinner dickwagging about how much their turnover is.

Very young group of friends (<20y/o):
– Bill: Small
– Tip: None-Small
– Other Notes: always one asshole in the group that tries to act grown up, boys will pull a “what is this shit” face when asked for ID despite being 5 days above legal drinking age

Group of friends:
– Bill: Small-High
– Tip: None-High
– Other Notes: Pot luck here.

– Bill: Medium-High
– Tip: None-Medium
– Other Notes: Usually fairly heavy drinkers, not unusual for drinks to outprice food

Blacks – Type 1 (95%):
– Bill: Medium-High
– Tip: None
Blacks – Type 2 (5%):
– Bill: Medium
– Tip: Low-Medium
– Other Notes: I’m not really educated enough to tell the two groups apart, but I’m pretty sure the difference is where/how they are brought up. If they have any sort of accent of any sort you are almost certainly dealing with a type 1. Both types are equally demanding, and are likely to complain about everything and expect it all to be done instantly. Women will not drink without a straw. Loves chicken (this is an actual fact, not even a stereotype). Steak must be cooked well done. Literally a waiters worst nightmare.

– Bill: Medium (would be high for certain if they were drinkers)
– Tip: None-High (assumedly depending on where they were brought up, tipping isn’t a thing in China)
– Other Notes: Above average chance of complaining, particularly if the food is bad/overcooked ,very particular about having clean cutlery and glasses.

– Bill: Medium-high
– Tip: Medium-Very High
– Other Notes: Very rude, can be shockingly good tippers, maybe they all own oil fields or something.

– Bill: Low-Medium
– Tip: Low-Medium
– Other Notes: Surprisingly low sample rate at my restart, maybe they don’t like steak/western food?