Why im not going to survive past May

So, my JET application went through to interview stage, which is on Monday. This is great because it means i’ve made it through stage 1, but also I suppose kind of bad because it means I likely wont survive past half way through 2013.
Heres why:

Scenario: Interview
a) Anxiety attack on way to interview -> Death
b) Anxiety attack during interview -> Death
c) Flop interview -> Seppuku aka. Death
d) Everything goes okay -> Live to see next scenario

Scenario 2: Interview results
a) Failure -> Suicide aka. Death
b) Success -> Die of happiness